Ephesians 5:25-27

Sunday Morning Bible Study

August 6, 2006




There once was a man who was shipwrecked on a deserted island. As luck would have it he saw a bottle floating into shore. He promptly picked the bottle up and opened it. To his surprise a genie popped out. The genie told the man, “I’ll grant you one wish.” The man wanting to get off of the island said, “I want you to build me a bridge to the mainland so I can get off this island.” The genie replied, “How am I going to do that! There isn’t enough cement or steel beams in the world to build a bridge that long. And besides I could never make it strong enough to stand up against the raging seas. How about if I just send a plane in to fly you home,” The genie replied. The man said “No way, I’m too scared to fly. You have to build me a bridge.” The genie said, “There is just no way I can build that bridge. It is impossible; you are going to have to make another wish!” The man thought for a while realizing he was probably going to spend the rest of his days on that island. After a few minutes the man was ready to tell the genie his new wish. The man said, “Genie, I want to know what men have been wondering about for years. I want to know how the female mind works. I want to know why they always are changing their minds. I want to know why females seem to cry for no reason. I want to know all about their emotions. I want to know why women reason the way they do. This is my wish.” The genie thought for a few moments and replied, “How many lanes do you want that bridge?”

Sometimes us guys just don’t get it. We don’t seem to have a clue as to how a woman thinks.

And when it comes to a good marriage, it’s pretty hard to know what to do when you don’t have a clue.

But guys, the best place to get a “clue” is the Bible.

:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

love … lovedagapao to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly. This is the word that is most used to describe the love that God has for us. It speaks of a love that doesn’t flow from the emotions, but of the will. It’s not based on what you “feel”, but what you “choose”.

Most importantly, it’s a love that is characterized by action, by giving.

(John 3:16 NKJV) "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

gave himselfparadidomi to give into the hands (of another); by betrayal to cause one to be taken

This is the word often used to describe how Judas “betrayed” Jesus.

Sometimes when we do “self-less” things, a little warning light goes off in our head that says, “Warning, stop doing that, start paying more attention to yourself! Don’t forget about NUMBER ONE!”

We need to learn to “betray” that warning light. Betray yourself. Learn to sacrifice yourself for others.


Sacrificial love

What Jesus did for us
Five qualities about this sacrificial love
1. It was an underserved sacrifice.

(Rom 5:8 NKJV) But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus didn’t die for people that He thought deserved to be loved. He died for people who were rebellious, shaking their fist at God.

2. It was a sacrifice characterized by humility.

(Phil 2:3-8 NKJV) Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. {4} Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. {5} Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,

Jesus’ sacrifice started with His humility. He thought more of others than He thought of Himself.

3. It was a sacrifice of His “rights

{6} who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,

Jesus did not feel like He had to demand His “rights” and stay on His throne in heaven.

Sometimes we get into so much trouble in our relationships because we feel like we’re getting cheated, we feel like things aren’t “fair”, we feel like our “rights” are being trampled.

Jesus let it all go.

4. It was a sacrifice of a servant.

{7} but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.

Jesus continued His path of humility, from His throne in heaven to taking on human flesh, then becoming a servant to others, then to willingly laying down His life for us.

5. It was a sacrifice that led to death.

{8} And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

He died for us.

They say you know you’re really “dead” when somebody pokes at you and it doesn’t hurt.

For each other
This example of love isn’t just for husbands, but for all of us.

(John 13:34-35 NKJV) "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. {35} "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

Undeserved. Humility. No rights. Servant. Death.

Husbands for wives
Ultimately, this verse is aimed at husbands.
Love your wife unconditionally. Love her even if you don’t think she deserves it.


Unconditional love—how refreshing to see it in action! A doctor recounted how moved he was by a young husband’s response to his wife’s facial surgery. To remove a tumor, the surgeon had to sever a facial nerve that controlled the muscles of her mouth. After the operation, as he and the husband stood by the woman’s bedside, she asked, “Will my mouth always be like this?” The doctor said yes. The husband looked at his wife, smiled, and said that he found her mouth “kind of cute.” Then he bent over and kissed her, twisting his own lips to meet hers. Later, as the doctor reflected on that husband’s complete devotion to his beloved, he wrote, “I hold my breath and let the wonder in.”

Love with humility.
Lay down your rights.
Love your wife as her servant.


Wedding Ring

A young bride and groom to be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. “Tell me,” she asked the elderly salesman, “is there anything special I’ll have to do to take care of this ring?” With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, “One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day.”

Learn to die to yourself. Betray yourself.

You’ll know how successful you are at dying when you get “poked”. Does it hurt?

:26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

sanctifyhagiazo to separate from ordinary things and dedicate to God; to purify

washingloutron taking a bath

wordrhema – There are two main ideas contained in this Greek word: That which is or has been uttered by the living voice, and the subject matter of speech

Washed by the sounds that come from the husband’s mouth.

Washed by the content of the things that the husband is saying to the wife.

I’ve often heard this verse taught as an instruction for a husband to be reading the Bible to his wife. And that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t want to discourage that. But keep the analogy straight. As Jesus washes HIS bride in the water of HIS word, the husband needs to wash HIS wife in the water of HIS word. The lesson for the husband isn’t necessarily about using the Bible, it’s about his own words that he speaks to his wife.



Make sounds come out of your mouth.
When it comes to communication, men have to work harder than women. That’s because men are at a disadvantage to the gals. Their brains work differently.
Men are very different from women.  Did you know this?
Bathrooms – A man has six items in his bathroom—a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from a Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 43. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Cats – Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.
One very big difference between men and women are how they communicate.
One website I found gave some interesting facts:
Girls say their first words and learn to speak in short sentences earlier than boys and are generally more fluent in their pre-school years. They read earlier, too, and do better in coping with the building blocks of language like grammar, punctuation and spelling. Boys outnumber girls 4:1 in remedial reading classes. Later, women find it easier to master foreign languages, and are more proficient in their own, with better command of grammar and spelling. They are also more fluent: stuttering and other speech defects occur almost exclusively among boys.
Another website I found says that women have twice as many words as men. Women speak at a rate of 250 words per minute; men speak at 125, and, according to Gary Smalley, author of “Making Love Last Forever,” in the course of a day, women on average speak 25,000 words, compared to a man’s average 12,000. By the end of the day men are talked out, and women still have a day’s worth of conversation in them.
This was written by Mark Twain:
Part I—Extracts from Adam’s Diary, Monday: This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don’t like this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. Cloudy today, wind in the east: I think we shall have rain. We? Where did I get the word? I remember now, the new creature uses it.
Part II—Eve’s Diary: He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright and is sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing: It is in the heart that the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches, and riches enough and that without it intellect is poverty.
One man was trying to communicate well with his wife and asked her what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear—everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?” One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size!”
One of the biggest problems we have when we “try” to communicate is the fact that we don’t always communicate well.
I have found that one of the most common problems in marriage is miscommunication – we get into trouble because we either said something the wrong way or we misunderstood what was being said – then an argument starts and it’s all downhill from there.

A helpful tool in communication is called “feedback”. It’s using the words, “I heard you say …”

When you feel an argument brewing, take a step back and wonder whether or not you’ve misunderstood what the other person said.

Say, “I heard you say …” and then tell the person in your own words what you thought they said.

You may be surprised how many times you simply misunderstood what was being said.

You can even turn it around by saying, “What did you hear me say?”



What comes out is important. Does it build up? Does it tear down? Here’s some suggestions …
1. Tell her you love her … often

The story is told of a man who was in therapy because his wife was in deep emotional pain, convinced he no longer loved her. The therapist finally asked him, “Sir, when was the last time you told your wife you loved her?” “When I married her 25 years ago I told her I loved her, and that if it ever changed, I’d let her know,” he said. Apparently, it hadn’t changed, but she didn’t know it. She needed to know that her husband really loved and needed her.

2. Build her up
Encourage her about her good traits.

Say Something Nice

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. “You know,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman.” “My face is all wrinkled, every part of my body is hanging out a mile.” “I’ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.” She turns to her husband and says; “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.” He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice; “Well, ... there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at Forest Lawn.

Don’t do it like that. Do it like this …

(Song 4:1-7 NKJV) Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! You have dove's eyes behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats, Going down from Mount Gilead. {2} Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep Which have come up from the washing, Every one of which bears twins, And none is barren among them. {3} Your lips are like a strand of scarlet, And your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil Are like a piece of pomegranate. {4} Your neck is like the tower of David, Built for an armory, On which hang a thousand bucklers, All shields of mighty men. {5} Your two breasts are like two fawns, Twins of a gazelle, Which feed among the lilies. {6} Until the day breaks And the shadows flee away, I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh And to the hill of frankincense. {7} You are all fair, my love, And there is no spot in you.

I know that we lose something in the translation into our culture, but I hope you get the idea. Look at how many things Solomon says to compliment his wife.

For some of us this doesn’t come easy. We have to work at it. And work at it. And work at it.

I believe this needs to be the lifelong commitment of a husband to his wife – to work at building her up with his words.

:27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.


A love that beautifies

One of my professors in school, H. Norman Wright said,
“Every person who comes into marriage is an amateur, and no couple who marries is ever compatible. It’s a lifelong process of becoming compatible.”
J. Allen Petersen said, “I do not know whether or not your marriage was made in heaven, but I do know that all the maintenance work is done on earth.”
Men, if you will take this charge from Paul seriously and love your wife like Jesus loves the church, you will find something happening to your wife.
Your love will cause your wife to blossom, it will cause your wife to flourish, it will cause your wife to grow more and more and more beautiful.
Did you notice the last words we read from Solomon about his wife?

(Song 4:7 NKJV) You are all fair, my love, And there is no spot in you.

I’m not sure if she was simply perfect, or if it is just a matter that he didn’t see her faults.

Either way, she’s simply beautiful.

Every man wants a beautiful wife.


An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is!” While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, as an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Go get your mother!

Gentlemen, there’s nothing magic about having a beautiful wife.  It’s up to you.  It’s up to you whether or not you will love your wife like Christ loves the church.