Sunday
Morning Bible Study
February
14, 2016
Introduction
Do people see Jesus? Is the gospel
preached? Does it address the person who is: Empty, lonely, guilty, or afraid
to die? Does it speak to the broken
hearted? Does it build up the church? Milk – Meat – Manna Preach for a decision
Is the church loved? Regular: 2900
words Communion: 2500 words Video=75wpm
Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d start by telling you something
about St. Valentine.
To be honest, there’s not a lot known about St. Valentine, so I’m
not going to say much other than there was a fellow named Valentine who was
beheaded in Rome by Emperor Claudius on February 14, 273 AD.
His name appears in a list of early
Roman martyrs in 354 AD, and a feast of St. Valentine for February 14 was
established in 496 AD.
There are several fellows with the
same name, one of which was a pastor near Rome who was imprisoned, stoned, and
beheaded in Rome on February 14, 273 AD at the order of Emperor Claudius II.
There are stories about him
possibly healing a blind girl and attempting to convert the Emperor. According to one tradition, he left a note
for the girl he had healed signed “Your Valentine”.
There’s a church near Rome that claims to have Valentine’s skull, and
it’s decorated with flowers.
But we can’t be dogmatic about much
of this.
It’s not until the 14th
century that people began to link the feast day of February 14 with romantic
love.
So instead of talking about St. Valentine, I decided to talk about one of
humanity’s greatest needs.
Everybody needs to be loved by someone.
Let’s start by defining “Love”
True Love
Our English language is kind of limited when it comes to the topic of love.
I use the word “love” for all kinds of things.
I love God.
I love my wife.
I love Dairy Queen Blizzards.
The way I love God is not like the way I love my wife.
The way I love my wife is not like the way I love Dairy Queen Blizzards.
The Greeks were more sophisticated when it came to love. They had several words that described what we
would call “love”.
eros – physical, sexual love
phileo – a spontaneous natural
affection, emotional and unreasoning. Friendship, liking people.
agape – love based on choice and
esteem
Agape isn’t something you accidentally fall into, it’s something you choose.
You make a choice to place value on another person.
This is the word used to describe God’s love and the love we are to have
for one another.
I’d like to suggest that while “True Love” may contain the first two kinds
of love, but it can’t be “True Love” without the last.
True Love must have agape love.
True Love in a Christian marriage isn’t something that you “fall out of”
because it’s based on a commitment you make, it’s based on a choice.
You can “fall out of” phileo and eros, but agape makes the choice to
remain.
I’m not saying that Christian marriage is all about duty and nothing about
passion.
I believe that if you do the agape right, the other kinds of love will blossom
and grow.
Romantic Fantasy
If you buy into the definition of love that the world wants to feed you
through movies, TV, and the internet, you’re going to have a rough go of it.
Some of you make the mistake of thinking that you have True Love when it
looks like this…
Or this…
Though I love a good love story as much as the next person, the movies are
setting you up for a hard fall when it comes to reality.
The reality of life usually looks more like this:
The world wants you to think that love is solely some kind of magical
feeling that you feel towards another person, and if it’s “true love”, then you
will have that feeling forever.
When you find that one special person, they will save your life.
That is simply not true. It’s
hogwash.
I hope that when you get married, there has indeed been some sort of
“chemistry” going on, but true love doesn’t just magically last.
True Love is something you must work at and cultivate.
It’s like a garden, and if you don’t tend your garden, your garden will
wither, dry up, and become overgrown with weeds.
Love in marriage
Deb and I have been married now for over 37 years. I think that gives me a little bit of credibility
on the topic of love and marriage.
Paul gives us a look at love in marriage:
(Ephesians 5:25–27 NKJV) —25 Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
26 that He
might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He
might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or
any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
There are two aspects of love in marriage:
Lesson
Sacrifice
The pattern that husbands are to follow in loving their wives is the
pattern that Jesus set in loving the church, which is His bride.
Jesus laid down His life for us.
Husbands ought to lay down their lives for their wives.
When it comes to relationships, the issue is not what you are going to get
out of a relationship, but what you are going to put into a relationship.
The issue is not what your spouse is going to do for you, but how you are
going to lay down your life for your spouse.
There is no room for selfishness in Christian relationships.
If one person is always giving more
than the other, then there’s a problem.
And if you’re the
one who thinks you are giving more than the other person – stop where you are
and listen.
You are not the
one to change. You are not the one to
back off.
Don’t allow yourself
to feel sorry for yourself.
God’s goal for
your relationship is that the other person learns to give as much as you do.
Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition.
Both parties are to give 100 percent.
Don’t think that sacrifice only comes to play when a terrorist breaks into
your house and threatens to kill your wife, and you jump in front of her and
take that bullet.
It’s much more practical and down to earth every day than that.
Who will control the TV remote?
Who decides what you’ll do Friday night?
Are you willing to lay down your rights for the other person?
Lesson
Cleansing words
Jesus cleanses the church with the water of His Word.
We cleanse each other with our own words.
The words that come out of your mouth towards your partner should not be a constant stream of
criticism and nagging.
Your spouse is affected by the words that come out of your mouth.
I think you should make it your goal every day to tell your spouse two
things.
“I love you”
“You are beautiful”
My wife often says to me, “You should give lessons on how
to be a good husband.” So pay attention
guys, this is something I practice constantly.
It ought to be something that you make a conscientious effort to do.
You ought to make an effort to find new and creative ways of expressing
your love and not just repeating the same words every day.
Washing your spouse in the water of your words brings about a change.
My question for you is, which part of the video do you
think best describes how you view your spouse?
The before or after?
I believe that her “beauty” is in your hands, or rather in
your words.
Wash your wives in the water of your words. She will slowly grow more and more beautiful.
Even though Paul is directing his words towards husbands, I do believe this
is something that both people ought to practice.
For those of you looking for that special someone to marry someday, look
for someone who will commit to loving you like that.
And until you find that person, you need to learn to love others like that.
True Love Defined
This was not written with marriage
or sweethearts in mind, but for the church. It's about healthy relationships.
They will know we are His disciples
by our love, our agape love.
(John 13:34–35 NKJV) —34 A new
commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that
you also love one another. 35 By this
all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Paul is the one who gave us the ultimate definition of what agape love looks like. Yet keep in mind, 1Corinthians 13 was not
written specifically for marriage, but as a manual for church relationships.
(1 Corinthians 13:4–8 NKJV) —4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does
not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked,
thinks no evil; 6
does
not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never
fails.
We don’t have time to cover each thing in depth, but I want to pick out seven
of them …
:4 Love suffers long
suffers long – makrothumeo (long + burning) – to be of a
long spirit, not to lose heart; to be patient in bearing the offenses and
injuries of others
Lesson
Patience
This is specifically a word about having patience with people, not
circumstances.
It’s learning to put up with people who bug you, people who get on your nerves,
those who even “bite”:
At church, you are going to find that there are certain people that just
get on your nerves.
Take courage because you probably get on God’s nerves as well.
God is patient with you, and you can learn to be patient with others.
:4 and is kind
The word for “kind” is one rooted in action.
“Kindness” is defined as …
Lesson
Doing good
John uses our word “agape” and
writes,
(1 John 3:18 NKJV) My little
children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
They say that actions speak louder than words.
It’s a good idea to do both actions AND words.
Yes, doing good can even include things like that.
Learn to do good things for the other person, even when you are going
through a rough patch.
That’s when agape shines, when
you love without conditions.
:4 love does not parade itself, is not puffed up
Lesson
Humility
If your boyfriend has to impress you by bragging about his accomplishments,
you have a problem.
If you think you need to drop hints at church about how many people you've
witnessed to it the amazing times of prayer you've had this week - you are
missing it. You've just shown me your immaturity not your maturity.
Solomon wrote,
(Proverbs 27:2
NKJV) Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger,
and not your own lips.
Illustration
A little country boy was out fishing with only a switch for a pole and a
bent pin for a hook, but he was catching many fish. A city fellow who had spent much time fishing
without any success, though he had the best of fishing outfit, came across the
boy with his long string of fish, and he asked the boy the reason of his
success. The boy said, “The secret of it
all is that I keep myself out of sight.”
The secret of catching a lot of happiness in our relationships is when we
don’t demand to be in the spotlight, but desire instead just to bless others.
:5 thinks no evil
thinks – logizomai – to reckon, count, compute,
calculate, count over.
This is an accounting word that
describes entering numbers in a ledger.
Lesson
Forgiveness
If you love somebody, you don’t keep track of the number of times you’ve
been offended.
(1 Corinthians 13:5 NLT) …it keeps
no record of being wronged
This will come to the surface when
you have fights or disagreements with others.
This is about pulling out old
laundry lists of the things the other person has done and saying things like,
“This is the twentieth time this week that you’ve done…”
One of the greatest destroyers of relationships is the grudge – not
forgiving the other person.
I’m not talking about letting the other person hurt you over and over again
without confronting the problem.
I’m talking about when you’ve brought the problem out into the open,
they’ve admitted their wrong and their desire to change, and asked for your
forgiveness.
When you say “I forgive you”, you need to learn to let it go.
Wipe the issue from the record.
You can no longer bring up that issue in future arguments because you have
chosen to forgive.
Nothing makes me more sick in counselling couples than when one person
continually brings up old issues that have been talked about and dealt with
years ago, and yet they continue to drag the old dead bones out of the closet
because they’ve never let go.
:6 rejoices in the truth
Lesson
Uncovered
I believe maturity in the Christian life involves learning to be honest about
who you are – not just your strengths, but your weaknesses as well.
Over and over again on TV shows you see one person desperately trying to
hide their “secret” from the other person.
The Greek word for “truth” is aletheia,
and it comes from a word that means literally “not covered”.
Truth is what you find when all the layers are pulled back.
Sometimes it’s not pleasant when someone tells you the truth about
themselves, or the truth about yourself.
True love realizes the immense value that comes from being open and honest.
No more secrets.
:7 bears all things
Lesson
Covered
bears– stego –to cover; to protect or keep by covering, to
cover over with silence
While some things need to be uncovered in your relationships, some things
need to be covered.
Love is reluctant to drag into the light of day the faults and mistakes of
others.
This doesn’t mean that we turn a blind eye when there’s something need to
be fixed or changed.
We need to confront things that need to change, but we need to be careful
how we go about it.
Don’t be quick to tell everyone about the faults of your spouse, or others
at church.
When a husband meets his wife’s friends, he should be
greeted with exclamations like, “Oh, so you’re
Mr. Wonderful!” and not, “So that’s what the snake looks like”.
(1 Peter 4:8 NKJV) And above
all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a
multitude of sins.”
:7 hopes … endures all things
Lesson
Expectation of survival
It’s hard to continue in a relationship without hope.
Illustration
I remember hearing about tests done with Norwegian wharf rats. These are the rats that live under the piers
along the waterfront. One group of rats
was placed in a large container of water, in the dark, with no place to stand
on, they had to keep swimming. They all
drowned within fifteen minutes. The second group was placed in a similar
container, yet every ten minutes the lab technician would open the container,
take the rats out, stroke them a few seconds, and put them back in the
water. They didn't have time to rest,
they just got a little encouragement.
These rats went on swimming for over 12 hours (or something like
that...).
I believe that when you enter into a marriage relationship, you need to
consider that you’re like the rat in the barrel with no way out.
I’m not saying that there might not be a way out when God will allow
divorce, but I think our society has made it way too easy to divorce.
One of the reasons we allow ourselves to think we should
just stop fighting for our marriage is when we allow ourselves to entertain the
thought that there’s someone better for us.
Video: Emotional
Infidelity
When you don’t allow yourself a way out, then you are forced to fight for
your marriage, and to survive you need hope.
That’s part of what fellowship at church ought to be about.
It’s about hanging out with others, some of whom have survived far worse
than you, and they have now turned the corner and are thriving.
Don’t just settle for quiet suffering, but learn to turn it around and
thrive.
Some of you may need to consider counseling. If you don’t know the way to survive and
thrive, you may need some guidance. We
have some good resources we can refer you to.
If we “love”, then we will learn to endure the difficulty.
Could anyone love me like that?
There already is someone who loves you like that, and He’s ready to teach
you how to love.
(Isaiah 49:16 NKJV) —16 See, I
have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.
We are going to celebrate communion today, to remember the One who loves
us. (Is. 49:16)
(1 John 3:16a NKJV)
By
this we know love, because He laid down His life for us.