Sunday
Morning Bible Study
June
19, 2009
Introduction
We’ve seen a progression in Paul’s letter to the Colossians.
He started by laying a good foundation of solid doctrine, talking about who
Jesus is and what He’s done for us.
Then he laid out some warnings concerning the heresies that were beginning
to form in Colosse.
Next he’s moved onto the practical.
Correct
doctrine leads to correct living.
Then Paul gets to what is very personal, very practical.
(Col 3:12-15
NKJV) …put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; {13}
bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint
against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. {14} But
above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. {15} And
let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one
body; and be thankful.
That’s nice to say, but just what does that look like in real life?
Sometimes we can sit in church, listen to the pastor, nod at all the great
points that he makes, but the moment we walk out of this place, we don’t see
any of it actually applying to our lives.
:18 Wives,
submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Wives – gune – a
woman of any age, whether a virgin, or married, or a widow; a wife
submit –
hupotasso (“under” + “to put in
order”) – to arrange under, to subordinate
A Greek military
term meaning “to arrange troop divisions in a military fashion under the
command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of
giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.
Note: More than obedience
In our passage, the English word “obey” is found twice (vs. 20,22), and
both times it translates a different Greek word (hupakouo).
The fact that Paul uses a different word here gives the sense that his
emphasis here is on “order”, “order under”, and not just “obey”. Focus on “order”.
Note: Submission is not just for wives.
We’ve pointed out before that submission is a mutual thing. In Ephesians 5,
Paul also tells the wives to submit to their husbands, but only after pointing
out:
(Eph
5:21 NKJV) submitting to one
another in the fear of God.
Note: There
are limits
No, the Bible does not teach that we must submit to everything.
We are told that we are to “submit” to governing authorities. Peter writes:
(1 Pet 2:13-14 NKJV) Therefore submit yourselves to
every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme,
{14} or to governors …
Yet when the authorities told Peter and the other apostles to stop telling
people about Jesus, Peter didn’t have any trouble disobeying the authorities:
(Acts 5:29 NKJV) But Peter and the other apostles
answered and said: "We ought to obey God rather than men.
But be careful that you don’t abuse this concept. Just saying, “God told me not to submit”
doesn’t pass the test.
your own
– idios – pertaining to one’s self
This is kind of silly, but the Greek word makes you think of the English
word “idiot”, as if Paul is saying, “Wives submit to your idiot husbands…”
That’s not what
Paul wrote.
husbands – aner –
with reference to sex; of a male; of a husband
is fitting – aneko –
to pertain to what is due, as was fitting
The word is used in another place talking about what it fitting and
what is not fitting for Christians:
(Eph
5:3-4 NKJV) But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not
even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; {4} neither filthiness, nor
foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
Just as immorality, greed, and filthy language are NOT fitting for
believers, submission IS fitting for believers.
A.T. Robertson: Wives have rights and privileges, but recognition of
the husband’s leadership is essential to a well-ordered home, only the
assumption is that the husband has a head and a wise one.
as is fitting
in the Lord –
Does Paul mean that sometimes
submitting isn’t fitting because it isn’t “in the Lord”?
No, Paul is
saying that submitting in general is “fitting” in the Lord.
Even though we all need to learn submission, this morning the exhortation
is to wives. One thing to remember about
submission:
Lesson
Submission
Submission changes things. Sometimes
submission even changes the one we submit to.
(1 Pet 3:1
NKJV) Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do
not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their
wives
What does it mean if a husband does “not obey the word”?
Perhaps he’s a jerk. Perhaps he’s an idiot.
Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that we only have to “submit” to
the person who is nice, smart, and asks me to do what I wanted to do
anyway. That’s not submission. That’s Fantasyland.
Sometimes my behavior can teach the other person about what is right.
Illustration
SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE
A couple was
celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had
long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to
the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” Explained the
man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the
canyon by pack
mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly
said, “That’s once.” We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled
again. Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice.” We hadn’t gone a half
mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver
from her pocket and shot him. I started to protest over her treatment of the
mule when she looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’”
Note: Staring down the barrel of a gun is probably
not the best picture of submission.
In fact, the Bible doesn’t tell men to make their wives submit. Put your guns away.
The responsibility of submission
is the wife’s lesson to learn. The
husband has other things to pay attention to.
As I was working on this study, I began to notice how the things we’re going to be
looking at today resembled the things we’ve already studied (back in 3:12-15). At first I was thinking that some of the
concepts only contained parts
of the elements of the earlier study.
But the more I looked at the passage, the more I began to realize that each of the elements of 3:12-15 are
contained in the verses we’re going to look at.
Sure, “submission” involves humility, meekness, and longsuffering.
But it also should include the elements of compassion, kindness, peace, and
grace as well.
Submission is one of the ways these elements of the new life work their
ways into us in a practical way.
Submission
is what you “look good” in. It’s part of
how we allow the Word of God to dwell “richly” in us.
:19 Husbands,
love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Husbands – aner –
with reference to sex; of a male; of a husband
love – agapao – love that is based on choice,
choosing to value another person, God’s kind of love
This is the love that’s described in 1Corinthians 13 – “love is patient and kind…”
This is the love that Jesus
has for us, demonstrated when He died for us.
Here, Paul gives the men one aspect of love to focus on, “do not be bitter”
wives – gune – a
woman of any age, whether a virgin, or married, or a widow; a wife
be bitter
– pikraino – to embitter; render
angry, indignant; irritated
Present tense - “Stop
being bitter” or “do not have the habit of being bitter.”
Where does bitterness come from?
Unforgiveness. The cure for bitterness is to love with a
love that forgives.
(1 Cor 13:5
NASB) (agape) … does not take into
account a wrong suffered,
Love doesn’t keep a long list of all the times you’ve been insulted.
Husbands, you need to forgive your wives.
Lesson
Forgiving love
Illustration
Here’s a story from a 1930s edition
of the Chicago Herald Examiner about a husband and a wife. The article,
“Man Spites His Wife by Staying Blindfolded in Bed Seven Years,” reads:
The strange story of Harry Havens
of Indiana, who went to bed—and stayed there—for seven years with a blindfold
over his eyes because he was peeved at his wife, was revealed here today when
he decided to get out of bed. Havens was the kind of husband who liked to help
around the house—hang pictures, wipe the dishes, and such. His wife scolded him
for the way he was performing one of these tasks, and he resented it. He is
reported to have said: “All right. If that’s the way you feel, I’m going to
bed. I’m going to stay there the rest of my life. And I don’t want to see you
or anyone else again.” His last remark explains the blindfold. He got up, he
explained, when the bed started to feel uncomfortable after seven years.
Van Morris, Mount Washington, Kentucky; source: Chicago Herald
Examiner (11-17-1930)
Illustration
SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his
wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent
treatment. The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake
him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break
the silence, he finally wrote
on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 am.” The next morning the man woke
up, only to discover it was
9 am, and that he had missed his flight! Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn’t awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. It
said, “It’s 5 am, wake up.”
It doesn’t pay to not forgive.
Illustration
Bryan Chapell writes,
Friends of ours grew up in the church and have a fine house, sweet kids, and
good jobs. But the wife has an emotional/mental problem. She periodically
steals from her own family and gambles the money away.
She’s been to counselors, doctors, and pastors, but nothing helps
permanently. Imagine your own wife stealing from you, pawning objects of value,
withdrawing money from bank accounts intentionally (but not infallibly) denied
her, and lying about it for months.
Every time she’s stolen from her husband and ruined his future, he’s
forgiven her and taken her back. Even when she gave up on her own life and
tried to kill herself, he refused to give up on her.
I asked this husband once why he didn’t end this marriage, in spite of
pressure from many friends and family to do so. His words were courageous and
simple: “She is a good mother most of the time, and my children need her. But
more than that, they need to know the love of their God. How can they know of a
Father in heaven who forgives them if their own father won’t forgive their own
mother?”
Bryan Chapell,
"Why He Just Takes It" Men of Integrity (September/October 2001)
You may be tempted to say this is “enabling” the other person. I say love forgives.
:20 Children,
obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
Children – teknon –
offspring, children
obey – hupakouo (“under” + “to listen”) – to
listen, to obey
parents – goneus
– fathers, parent, the parents
well pleasing – euarestos
– well pleasing, acceptable
Parents, it is important that you teach your children at an early age to
obey their parents. But since we are mostly adults here today, I want to
address this topic a little differently.
Lesson
Parental honor
Paul writes in Ephesians,
(Eph
6:1-3 NKJV) Children, obey your parents
in the Lord, for this is right. {2} "Honor your father and mother," which is the
first commandment with promise: {3} "that it may be well with you and you
may live long on the earth."
Thirty years ago when I was a Sr. High youth pastor, I would tackle these verses
by talking about the age you are when you get to be old enough to not pay
attention to this verse any more. My
point used to be that when you grow up, you no longer need to worry about this.
The trouble with that approach is that I’m not too sure I know of a verse
that supports the idea that you grow out of respecting your parents.
Don’t misunderstand me – I’m not saying that parents are
to always make all the decisions for their children. I understand the importance of my sons
learning to make adult decisions on their own.
But I’m not sure that the “honor” part ever really goes
away.
That’s the heart behind “Father’s Day”.
I know that some of your parents weren’t perfect. But that’s no excuse to not show them a
measure of respect and honor. You don’t
have to excuse all their faults, but you do owe them honor.
In reality, we don’t always agree with everything that God does in our
lives, do we? And we know we ought to
honor Him, even if we don’t understand.
Showing your parents honor is a way of learning to honor God.
:21 Fathers, do
not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Fathers – pater –
generator or male ancestor
provoke
– erethizo – to stir up, to provoke;
to nag as a habit; from
eris – contention, strife, wrangling
children – teknon –
offspring, children
discouraged
– athumeo (“not” + “passion”) – to be
disheartened, dispirited, broken in spirit
Present tense, “continued discouragement”
Lesson
Don’t crush their passion
Too often we dads can crush the very thing we want to cultivate.
We can put the wrong kinds of expectations on our kids.
We can get overly angry at the smallest things.
And our kids get crushed.
But there’s another way to be a father,
We ought to ignite passion, not crush it.
Illustration
Gordon
MacDonald writes,
For most of my life, my father and I have struggled to connect with each
other. We are very different men, and our differences have grown during the
passage of the years. Nevertheless, there were occasional exceptions to this
distancing, and I think I remember almost every one of them. They were the
events when, for a short while, there was—between him and me—a sense of sublime
closeness.
One of the more memorable of those moments came when I was a second grader at P.S.
(Public School) 33 in New York. On a spring day shortly before lunch hour, my
father came to the door of my classroom. After a brief word with the teacher he
gestured for me to join him. “Son,” he said, “clean off your desk and come with
me.” Soon after, we were walking down the hallway and out the front door of the
school.
Only when we reached the privacy of his car did my father speak again and
disclose his real purpose in taking me out of school. “I thought you’d like to
go to the ball game with me today,” he said. Sixty years later I can still see
his mischievous grin as he disclosed this wonderful plan.
Muse on this! You’re seven or eight years old. It’s the middle of a school
day, and your father springs you from school to see a baseball game.
Ninety or so minutes later, my father and I, hotdogs and Crackerjacks in
hand, were in our seats along the third-base line at old Ebbits Field in Brooklyn
where Jackie Robinson, just feet away, was warming up to play one of his first games as a
Brooklyn Dodger. Does this smell like Heaven?
Somewhere in the early innings of the game, a batter, the New York Giants’
Johnny Mize, hit a towering
foul ball. An instant replay deep in my memory recalls the trajectory of that
ball going almost straight up, losing its momentum and beginning its descent …
right over my seat. Down
and down and down it came. Then, when it was close enough for me to see the
stitching on the ball, a hand (my father’s hand!) reached out and snatched it
from the air.
In one of my young life’s über-glorious experiences, my father handed the
ball to me. Given my age, the keys to a brand new Mustang convertible could not
have been a better gift. I was filled with abounding love and admiration for
him.
Gordon
MacDonald, “Dodger Heaven,” LeadershipJournal.net (6-4-07)
Illustration
One more example of a Dad who hasn’t crushed his son’s passion, but has
ignited it…