Sunday
Morning Bible Study
February 13, 2005
Introduction
Since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, I’ve got some “Love Advice” from some
experts.
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE MUST BE LIKE:
John, age 9 says, “Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”
Glenn, age 7 says, “If falling in love is anything like learning how to
spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.”
Greg, age 8 says, “Love is the most important thing in the world, but
baseball is pretty good too.”
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:
Del, age 6 says, “Tell them
that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.”
Camille, age 9 says, “Shake your hips and hope for the best.”
Alonzo, age 9, “Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might
get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.”
Bart, age 9, “One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s
something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.”
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:
Erin, age 8 says, “Don’t forget your wife’s name.
That will mess up the love.”
Natalie, age 9 says, “Don’t say you love somebody and then change your
mind. Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch.”
Dave, age 8 says, “Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that
you never take out the trash.”
I find it interesting that on the day before Valentine’s Day, we are in a
section that deals with marriage.
Mark 10:1-12
:2 And the Pharisees came …tempting him.
Matthew adds:
(Mat 19:3 NLT) "Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for any reason?"
:4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement
suffered – epitrepo –
instruct; to permit, allow
bill of divorcement – a simple piece of paper that basically stated,
“I divorce you”.
The Pharisees are referring to:
(Deu 24:1 KJV) When a
man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no
favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him
write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of
his house.
The Pharisees had no problem with what Moses wrote. The real question was, “What does it mean?”
There were two main views in Jesus day regarding divorce and
remarriage.
One view was held by Rabbi Shammai, and he taught that divorce was allowed
only if the wife was guilty of immorality.
This was generally interpreted to mean that she either wasn’t a virgin
when the marriage took place, or that she had committed adultery after the
marriage.
The other view was held by Rabbi Hillel, and he taught that if the wife did
anything offensive or disagreeable, it was grounds for divorce. Another Rabbi went so far as to say that if
another woman was more pleasing to the man than his wife, then that constituted
grounds for divorce.
:5 For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept
Some of the Jewish rabbis suggested that the reason Moses allowed for
divorce was not so that people could marry many times over and indulge their
lusts. It was to prevent a greater sin
of spousal abuse and even murder.
I believe that the other aspect of this is that simply some times, in some
situations, we just can’t get past the hardness of our hearts.
There can be a time in a relationship where you just can’t take it any
more. You no longer want to risk
trusting them again. This is the kind of
thing that happens with adultery. It’s
hard to get over it.
And if that’s where you’re at, God understands. God will allow a divorce.
:7 a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Jesus goes back to the beginning of creation. His idea is that the first marriage was
supposed to be the model for marriage.
(Gen 2:21-25 KJV) And
the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took
one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; {22} And the rib,
which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto
the man.
An old Jewish proverb -
God didn’t take woman from his head that she should rule over him, or from his
foot that he should step on her, but from his rib, his side, that they should
be side by side.
Note: God did not make two wives for Adam, only
one. There was no possibility of there
being another woman. Some have tried to
point to the patriarchs like Abraham or Jacob and how they had more than one
wife. But Jesus points to Adam and Eve
being the ideal – One man, one woman.
One husband, one wife.
Illustration
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re
running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam
responded. “You’re the only woman on
earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam
fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam
demanded. “Counting your ribs,” said
Eve.
{23} And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my
flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. {24} Therefore shall a man leave his father
and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The “therefore” refers to the fact that since woman was taken from man,
when a husband and wife cleave together, man becomes whole again.
{25} And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not
ashamed.
One of the key ingredients to marriage – transparency – nothing hidden from each other.
You know everything about the other person and you are not ashamed because
they love you anyway.
This requires grace. Being kind to
one another. When we aren’t gracious to
each other, it’s hard to be “naked”.
Instead we want to cover up.
:8 And they twain shall be one flesh:
This is the last phrase from Genesis 2:24.
:8 so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Jesus now repeats this part because this is what He wants to emphasize.
Lesson
Intimacy in marriage.
Physical intimacy – We often
think of the “one flesh” being strictly physical intimacy. Sex certainly is a
part of the equation. One of the unique elements of marriage is physical
intimacy. Sex is not only a lot of fun, but it’s an expression of what has
happened in marriage – two people become one.
But marriage is more than just physical intimacy.
Emotional intimacy – you put
your fragile heart in their hands.
It’s knowing the joy of loving another person and being loved in return,
yet also knowing that they could crush your heart as well.
Social intimacy – being the best
of friends.
Being able to talk about anything. Enjoy spending time together.
You may not have all the same interests, but find ones you do have in common
and spend time together.
Financial intimacy – you share
everything, including money
I remember counseling one couple that had separate checking accounts. They kept all their money separate. They even took separate vacations.
Illustration
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He
noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched,
the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the
fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured
half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife.
The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded
in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase
another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old
gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always
been and will always be shared, 50/50.” The young man then asked the wife if
she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”
Spiritual intimacy – there is
supposed to be a bond between husband and wife that’s closer than any other
relationship. Being able to pray together about everything.
There are things you can accomplish together as a couple spiritually that
you can’t do by yourself.
(Mat 18:19-20 KJV) Again I
say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing
that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
{20} For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the
midst of them.
Yes you can pray with brothers and sisters at church, but how
much more could happen if you prayed together at home?
This is all very scary for most of us. It’s scary because when you risk
opening yourself up to another person like this, you risk them hurting you.
Some people get married but they never taste the depths of intimacy that
God has for them because it’s too scary.
Others simply don’t get married.
:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
joined together – suzeugnumi –
to fasten to one yoke, yoke together
When Jesus said that divorce was only allowed because of the hardness of
man’s heart, it was because God’s original idea of marriage was for two people
to be joined together and stay joined together.
God didn’t want the intimacy to be shattered.
(Mal 2:16
NASB) "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel
Why does God hate divorce?
For one thing, it ruins us. Many of
you have gone through the pain of divorce.
You know what I’m talking about.
Secondly, marriage is supposed to be one of God’s pictures to describe His
relationship with us.
(Eph 5:25
KJV) Husbands, love your wives, even as
Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
God wants us to know that He’s not going to “dump” us for
another woman. He loves us. He’s committed to us.
Divorce ruins the picture.
:11-12 Whosoever shall put away …
Lesson
Reasons for divorce
Matthew records an “exception”:
(Mat 19:9 KJV) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his
wife, except it be for fornication,
and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is
put away doth commit adultery.
fornication – porneia
– this is a very broad term simply meaning “any kind of sex outside of
marriage”.
If you are divorced because your spouse because of immorality, you are
allowed to remarry.
Are there other “exceptions”?
(1 Cor 7:15 KJV) But if the unbelieving depart, let
him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God
hath called us to peace.
The principle is called abandonment. Technically, if you are married to an
unbeliever and they want out of the marriage, you are allowed to get out. Some have suggested that even if the other
person claims to be a believer, but they walk out on the marriage, they are
acting like an unbeliever. I’m not sure
I disagree with that view.
What about spousal abuse?
If you or your children are in danger, it’s time to take a break. I don’t think that God’s idea of the
permanence of marriage is supposed to be an excuse for you being killed or
harmed. There may be others who would
condemn you for getting a divorce in those circumstances but you won’t find
condemnation here.
What if I’ve been divorced and remarried and I don’t fit into one of these
exceptions?
You need to consider that perhaps you’ve sinned. But rather than ruining the marriage you’re
currently in by walking out of it, you need to make a commitment to God that
you’re going to be committed to this marriage.
Lesson
Sticking it out
Though God allows for divorce in some circumstances, God’s first desire is
that you try and work things out.
Even with the sin of adultery, God’s first choice is that we learn to see
repentance, forgiveness, and restoration.
Hosea didn’t exactly have what you would call the “model marriage”.
When it was time for Hosea to get married, God told him who to marry. God
told Hosea to marry a girl named “Gomer”, a girl who was a prostitute. God said
that the reason for this was to remind the people of Israel
how unfaithful they were in their marriage to the Lord.
Things went along fine in the marriage. They had a couple of kids. And then
Gomer decided it was time to go back to work. She went back to being a prostitute.
It was a lesson about how God’s own people have been so unfaithful to Him. And
God tells Hosea to take her back.
God gives Hosea a clue as to His own heart towards His own bride:
(Hosea 2:19-23 NLT) I will
make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love
and compassion. {20} I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will
finally know me as LORD… {23} …I will show love to those I called 'Not loved.'
And to those I called 'Not my people,' I will say, 'Now you are my people.'
Then they will reply, 'You are our God!'"
One of the key ingredients to a lasting marriage is forgiveness.
(Eph 4:32
KJV) And be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath
forgiven you.
Has Jesus forgiven you?
Has He continued to be patient with you?