Thursday
Evening Bible Study
February 15, 2007
:1-2 Moving South
:1 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He
departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
:2 And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
Jesus’ ministry moves south as He heads for Jerusalem.
:3-9 Marriage and Divorce
:3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is
it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
The Pharisees are going to try and trap Jesus with a tough question.
It reminds me of reporters asking questions of politicians as they are
running for office. Find an issue that
the people are already divided on, and ask the politician to pick a side.
There were two views on divorce in Jesus’ day, named after famous rabbis:
1. The Shammai (conservative) school
of thought:
The only reason for divorce was “uncleanness”, which was a reference to
Deut. 24:1.
2. The Hillel (liberal) school of
thought:
A man could divorce his wife “for any
reason”, no matter how small. If she
overcooked his dinner, if she put too much salt in the stew, even if he found
another woman to be more beautiful than she was.
If Jesus answers in line with the Shammai school of thought, which was the
more unpopular, then Jesus would alienate Himself from the people who held the
Hillel ideas. If Jesus answers in line
with the Hillel, then He alienates the Shammai folks. If Jesus says that there is no reason at all
acceptable for divorce, then they will have something to charge Him with since
Moses included a clause about divorce in the Law.
:4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who
made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,'
:5 "and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
joined – proskollao – to glue upon, glue to; to join one’s self to closely,
cleave to, stick to. There is another
form of the word (kollao, also “to
glue”) that is used for physical intimacy, but the word used for marriage is
more intensive, “super glue”.
I was helping one of my son’s with a school project last month and we were
using “super glue” to build a tower out of balsa wood. They don’t call it “super glue” for
nothing. If you’re not careful, you can
glue your finger to the wood. You can
glue your fingers together. It’s a
pretty permanent bond.
It hurts to tear apart two fingers that are glued together.
Jesus is not going to quote the Law of Moses for his answer. He’s going to
get His authority from the book of Genesis (Gen. 1-2), from God’s original
design for a husband and wife.
:6 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God
has joined together, let not man separate."
Lesson
Permanence in marriage.
God’s original intent was for marriage to be permanent.
The language in Genesis 2 speaks of two living beings becoming a single,
functioning organism. Divorce is like
cutting a body in half.
God hates divorce.
(Mal 2:16
NLT) "For I hate divorce!"
says the LORD, the God of Israel. "It is as cruel as putting on a victim's
bloodstained coat," says the LORD Almighty. "So guard yourself;
always remain loyal to your wife."
Just look at the price the kids pay for divorce:
Illustration
Kids from single-parent families, whether through divorce
or illegitimacy, are two to three times as likely to have emotional or
behavioral problems, and half again as likely to have learning disabilities, as
those who live with both parents.
Teenage girls who grow up without their fathers tend to
have sex earlier. A 15-year-old who has lived with her mother only, for
example, is three times as likely to lose her virginity before her 16th
birthday as one who has lived with both parents .
-- Lee Smith,
"The New Wave of Illegitimacy," Fortune Magazine, April
18,1994, vol. 129:8, p.
82.
I hesitate sharing these kinds of statistics because
single parents always get discouraged.
My desire is to speak to married parents – don’t do this to your kids.
People considering marriage ought to take it seriously – they ought to
enter marriage only if they’re ready to destroy all the exits, burn all the
bridges, to leave no way out of the marriage in their head.
Some people in the church look at marriage as simply the mechanism that
makes it possible for them to have sex.
They realize that it’s wrong to have sexual relations
outside of marriage, so they fix that “problem” by getting married.
But at the same time people adopt the idea that is
prevalent in the world, the idea that says, “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll
divorce”.
You should never enter into marriage with that idea.
Divorce should never be a part of your vocabulary.
I’ve heard that Barbara Bush has quoted Ruth Graham saying
something like, “Being married to Billy, the word ‘divorce’ has never entered
into our vocabulary. Murder maybe, but never divorce”.
:7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate
of divorce, and to put her away?"
They are referring to:
(Deu 24:1-4 NKJV) "When
a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in
his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and
sends her out of his house, {2} "when she has departed from his house, and
goes and becomes another man's wife, {3} "if the latter husband detests
her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her
out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, {4}
"then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his
wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD,
and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you
as an inheritance.
The “certificate of divorce” was a simple piece of paper on which the man
writes out a statement that he is divorcing his wife. This was obviously before lawyers got
involved.
The actual intent of this law was to prevent “wife-swapping”. When a person is correctly divorced, they are
allowed to remarry. But if the next
marriage ends, you aren’t allowed to go back to the first wife/husband.
The word “uncleanness” (Deut. 24:1) has a sexual tone to it. Some would interpret this very strictly to
only include a woman who had previously had sex with another man before getting
married. Others had a much broader view,
giving all sorts of reasons to make divorce acceptable.
If Jesus is saying that marriage should be permanent, then why did Moses
allow for people to be divorced?
:8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts,
permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
God’s original intent for marriage was that there should be no divorce.
God’s best is always that a marriage stay together.
Even when there has been unfaithfulness, divorce isn’t the automatic
option.
God had the prophet Hosea marry a prostitute. After having a couple of kids, she went back
to work. And God asked Hosea to take her
back.
But God also understands that not everyone can do this. Sometimes our hearts simply get too hard.
The betrayal of adultery is a horrible thing to survive.
(Prov 6:32-35 NKJV) Whoever
commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his
own soul. {33} Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be
wiped away. {34} For jealousy is a husband's fury; Therefore he will not spare
in the day of vengeance. {35} He will accept no recompense, Nor will he be
appeased though you give many gifts.
God understands that some people are betrayed by someone who has no
intention of straightening their life out.
God understands that not everyone is going to be able to, or should forgive
something like adultery.
And so God makes allowances for “hard” hearts.
I believe there is another allowance for divorce:
(1 Cor 7:15 NKJV)
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is
not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
We call this abandonment. If your
spouse leaves you and has no intention to come back, this appears to fit the
qualifications of this verse.
:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who
is divorced commits adultery."
sexual immorality – porneia –
illicit sexual intercourse; adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism,
intercourse with animals; a simpler definition might be, “sex outside of
marriage”.
It’s difficult to talk about this today because statistics show that half
of marriages end in divorce. Supposedly
these statistics even carry over into the church. And if I took a poll on Sunday morning to see
how many people had been divorced, I’d imagine that at least half of the people
have been through it. And of the people that have been through divorce and
remarriage, I’d be pretty sure that a decent number don’t meet the criteria
that Jesus laid out. A lot of people divorce because it simply gets
too hard, “irreconcilable differences”.
What if I’m in a marriage that
qualifies here as “adultery”?
What if your previous marriage didn’t end in a proper divorce, and you’re
now married to another person, qualifying as adultery?
1.
Admit you were wrong.
Don’t make excuses, just admit you were wrong. Ask God to forgive you.
(1 John 1:9 NKJV) If we
confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse
us from all unrighteousness.
2.
Stay where you are.
Sometimes I get the impression that some teachers would suggest that you
divorce your current spouse and go back to the your first spouse.
Yet according to Deut.24:1-4, it would be an abomination for you to go back
to your former spouse now.
Stay in the condition you're in when God calls you!
(1 Cor 7:20 NKJV)
Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called.
(1 Cor 7:27 NKJV)
Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a
wife? Do not seek a wife.
David committed adultery with Bathsheba.
When he finally admitted his sin, God forgave him. And he stayed married to Bathsheba. In fact Solomon even came from this marriage.
3.
Don’t repeat your mistakes.
Though it may not be the same as your previous marriage, you will find that
you will still have trouble in marriage.
That’s because marriage is made up of two sinners.
Make this marriage your last. Work
at your problems.
We don’t grow by bailing out of every difficult situation, we grow by
working through the difficult times.
Why can't I just divorce my spouse, get remarried, confess my sin, and
go on like everyone else?
We can find forgiveness, but there are still consequences to sin.
God would much rather you stay with your old battle-axe, learn to love
him/her like you should, and avoid the much greater pain of divorce.
Changing spouses is no guarantee of happiness, but it is a guarantee of a
lot of pain.
What if I’m separated from my spouse, or divorced, but neither of us is
remarried and neither has had an affair?
Hold out for your marriage until:
Either the other spouse remarries (and forces the marriage into adultery)
Or it is clear they’ve abandoned you and have no plans to come back.
:10-12 Celibacy
:10 His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with
his wife, it is better not to marry."
The disciples’ reaction to Jesus’ teaching is a little bit funny. They think that Jesus’ idea of marriage is
just too difficult to fathom.
It almost sounds as if the disciples don’t want to be able to give up the
idea of divorce, or being unfaithful to their wives.
Illustration
This from 1989: Are we true to our mates?
Or do we just SAY we are?
About a third (39 percent of men, 27 percent of women) of USA Today readers
responding to a living in the USA
survey say they’ve had an extramarital affair.
“My guess is more of them had an affair and didn’t admit it,” says Fred
Humphrey, past president of the American Association for Marriage and Family
Therapy.
Major studies on extramarital affairs conducted in the ‘40s indicated that
at least 50 percent of married men in the USA
and 26 percent of married women had affairs by the time they hit 40. Some researchers think the number of women
having affairs is rising—possibly approaching 50 percent.
Illustration
The young preacher was shocked to hear the well-known evangelist utter the
words, “I have spent some of the happiest moments of my life in the arms of
another man’s wife. Yes, I have spent
some of the happiest moments of my life in the arms of another man’s wife.” Then, following a pause, the evangelist added,
“That woman was my mother.”
“I’ve got to use that!” the young pastor thought to himself. A few weeks
later, as he was speaking to a civic group, the phrase leapt into his mind and
he exclaimed, “I have spent some of the happiest days of my life in the arms of
another man’s wife.” Then, after another
long pause, the young man muttered meekly, “But for the life of me I can’t
remember who she was.”
I find it humorous that the disciples would rather forget marriage than try
and work at something that might be difficult.
:11 But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only
those to whom it has been given:
In other words, you can’t opt out of marriage just because you think it’s too
hard.
I’m sure we all know people who avoid marriage because of how difficult it
is.
They’ve either had a difficult marriage, or they’ve seen others who have
had difficult marriages.
The problem is, if God hasn’t “gifted” you to be single, you’re going to be
miserable.
:12 "For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's
womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs
who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is
able to accept it, let him accept it."
A eunuch is an individual who is incapable of sexual relations. Jesus gives three types of people who are
eunuchs:
1. Those born that way. They were born with some sort of physical
disability.
2. Made eunuchs by men. Ancient kings would castrate male servants
who would be assigned to guard or serve their women.
3. Made themselves eunuchs for the
kingdom – People who have chosen to live a celibate life so they can serve God
better.
But this should only be for those who are “given” this gift.
How do I know if I’m “gifted” with singleness?
It seems to me you would not have a desire for marriage. I don’t mean that you’re afraid of marriage,
I mean you don’t have a desire for it.
You’ll be glad you’re single.
(Psa 37:4 NKJV) Delight
yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
If you are single and are delighting in the Lord and you have NO desire for
marriage, it’s possible you might have this “gift” of singleness, at least for
now. Enjoy it. Serve the Lord!
If you are single and are delighting in the Lord and DO want to get
married, then pray.
Pray for your spouse – even if you don’t know who it is. God knows how to answer that prayer.
Make sure your standards are the same as God’s standards.
Over the years I’ve seen some folks never get married because they had standards
that were virtually impossible for anyone to meet.
When Peter was being shown that it was okay to reach out to the Gentiles,
he had a vision and a discussion with God…
(Acts 10:15 NKJV)
And a voice spoke to him again the second time, "What God has
cleansed you must not call common."
Don’t be afraid of marriage. If you
have the desire to be married, you will find that marriage is VERY good. Sure it is difficult, but it is wonderful.