Sunday
Morning Bible Study
June 8, 2003
Comforting those in trouble
We’ve been exploring this whole subject of trials and difficulties. For
some of you, it seems like all you can do to just survive your own difficulty.
But sometimes relief in your own problem comes when you help others.
When Jesus hung on the cross, He thought about others. He thought about His mother and asked John to
take care of her (John 19:25-27)
When Paul was in prison, he didn’t just sit there and feel sorry for
himself. He wrote to others to encourage them.
The letter to the Philippians was written while Paul was in prison. Yet the
theme of his letter was to encourage the Philippians to rejoice.
Illustration
Years ago, Dr. Karl Menninger of the Menninger Clinic was asked, “If
someone felt a nervous breakdown coming on, what would you suggest that he do?”
“If you feel a nervous breakdown coming on, I would urge you to find somebody
else with a problem—a serious one—and get involved with that individual,
helping him solve his problem.” In helping him to solve his problem, then in
reality your own problem is going to disappear. You’re no longer thinking
internally. You’re no longer letting things gnaw at your stomach. You’re no
longer getting disturbed about yourself because you’re not thinking about
yourself. You’re thinking about others.
As we think about what it means to comfort others, we ought to be careful
that we don’t fall into the traps that Job’s friends did. They were known as “miserable comforters”
(Job 16:2). We’ll start with some things
to avoid …
1. Don’t condemn, be gracious
There is a place for confronting our friends about the things that we know
are wrong. I think this is partly what Paul is talking about when he says,
(Eph 4:15
KJV) But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which
is the head, even Christ:
But Job’s friends had no evidence of sin in Job’s life. His life was
blameless and they just assumed that he must have had some sin in his life. And
they certainly aren’t speaking things in love.
Give people the benefit of the doubt. Love believes all things (1Cor.
13:7).
When you have a friend who is going through marital difficulties, be
careful not to take sides. You may be aware of your friend’s shortcomings, but
those may not be the only reasons for the problems.
Illustration
A biology professor took a small group of young biologists into the desert
for intensive study. Miles from civilization, the vehicle in which they were
traveling broke down. The group set out on foot on an estimated three-day trek
back to their campus. After two days of hard travel, they reached the summit of
a huge sand dune. Thirsty and sunburned, they looked around them. Far off to
their right was what appeared to be a lake with small trees surrounding it. The
students jumped and screamed for joy. But the teacher, who had often been in
the area before, knew they were seeing a mirage. He presented the bad news to
them, sharing the facts as best he could. But insisting their eyes could not
deceive them, the students rebelled. Unable to convince them of their error,
the professor permitted them to head off in the direction of the alleged “lake,”
while he would take another course. He made them promise that after they
discovered it was a mirage, they would sit down and wait for him to return with
help. Three hours later the students arrived at a plush new desert resort which
had four swimming pools and six restaurants. Two hours after that they set out
in a Land Rover with rangers to search for their teacher. And he was never
found.
-Charles Sell, The House on the Rock
There may be times when you think you really have someone’s problem figured
out. You may be wrong.
Do you know someone who is struggling?
Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain
mercy” (Mat 5:7 KJV).
The book of Hebrews was written to people going through difficult times.
(Heb 12:12-15 KJV) Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; {13} And
make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the
way; but let it rather be healed. {14} Follow
peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
{15} Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you,
and thereby many be defiled;
We need to lift others up when they are in difficult times. We need to steer them away from bitterness
and encourage them in God’s grace.
Bitterness will steer people away from God, grace will lead them back.
When Naomi had left for Moab,
she had a husband and two sons. After
the sons got married, tragedy struck and Naomi’s husband and two sons all
died. She was bitter towards God.
(Ruth 1:20 KJV)
And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi (“pleasant”),
call me Mara (“bitter”): for the Almighty hath dealt very
bitterly with me.
When she and her daughter-in-law Ruth arrived back in Bethlehem,
I would imagine what kind of criticism they must have faced from people who
hated the Moabites. But instead a man
named Boaz allowed Ruth to harvest grain in his fields.
(Ruth 2:10 KJV)
Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said
unto him, Why have I found grace in
thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?
Don’t be quick to condemn. Show
grace.
2. Be careful about defending God
There are times when Job’s friends feel that they must defend God against
Job’s complaining. They speak a lot of theological truths, but not too many of
the truths actually apply to Job.
God will rebuke these friends at the end of the story:
(Job 42:7 KJV) …the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is
kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me
the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.
Peter felt that he needed to defend Jesus in the garden when the guards
showed up to arrest Jesus. Peter took out his sword and lopped off Malchus’
ear. What was Jesus’ response to Peter? Did He thank Peter for valiantly trying
to defend Him?
(Mat 26:52-54 KJV) Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword
into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.
{53} Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently
give me more than twelve legions of angels? {54} But how then shall the
scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?
Dr. Luke then records Jesus as having said,
(Luke 22:51 NLT) But Jesus said, "Don't resist
anymore." And he touched the place where the man's ear had been and healed
him.
This was the last miracle of the Lord before His death. It was cleaning up
a mess that one of His disciples made who was too hasty with his sword.
Sometimes we too are a bit too quick to take out our Bibles (our swords)
and chop people to pieces.
Please don’t misunderstand me here. We ought to be ready to give answers to
people who ask serious questions:
(1 Pet 3:15 KJV) …be ready always to give an answer
to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness
and fear:
But sometimes we respond to the things that people say in their pain when
we should perhaps just let it go.
Don’t be so quick to respond to their words – learn to respond to their
needs (if you don’t know what their needs are, wait until you do). Sometimes it’s okay to simply say, “I don’t
understand”.
3. Be a friend, not a parent
Some of what doesn’t work with Job and his “friends” is their pushing their
“age” and “wisdom” on Job.
(Job 15:9-10 KJV) What knowest thou, that we know not? what
understandest thou, which is not in us? {10} With us are both the grayheaded
and very aged men, much elder than thy father.
Someone once said, “When an older man and a younger man are together, the
older man should never bring up his age and wisdom, and the younger man should
never forget it.”
When it comes to friends who have problems, some of us have learned to take
on the role of parent because we have kids and that’s what we do.
But not everyone needs you to be their mother or father. There are people
that we ought to learn to be friends with – as equals, not as their superior.
Illustration
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately
demanded an inspection of the place. The Farmer had genuinely tried to be
friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly,
non-antagonistic relationship. To no avail, she kept nagging them at every
opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life
unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the
barn, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the
head, killing her instantly. At the funeral service a few days later, the
farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor
noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would
nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to
the farmer, however, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply. Very
curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what
that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible
tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask,
‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all
booked up for a year.’
When you are “helping” your friends, are you making them wish they could borrow
the farmer’s mule?
Has the person asked you for advice? Are you trying to be their “mother” or
“mother-in-law”?
There certainly is a place for giving advice, but more often than not the
person simply needs someone who cares.
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”.
The Bible says,
(Rom 12:15
KJV) Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
Before you give advice, have you wept with your friend?
4. Endure your trials
(2 Cor 1:3-10 KJV) Blessed
be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and
the God of all comfort; {4} Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we
may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith
we ourselves are comforted of God. {5} For as the sufferings of Christ abound
in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. {6} And whether we be
afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the
enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be
comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. {7} And our hope of you is
stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be
also of the consolation. {8} For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of
our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure,
above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life: {9} But we had the
sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in
God which raiseth the dead: {10} Who delivered us from so great a death, and
doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;
Paul is teaching the Corinthians that when they go through trials and
receive comfort, they are able to turn around and help others who are going
through the same things.
Trials should teach us to have compassion on others.
Illustration
Charles Spurgeon told a story about Charles Pratt, when he was Chief
Justice of the Common Pleas. “Being on a visit to Lord Dacre, he walked out
with a gentleman—a very absent-minded man—to a hill, on the top of which the
stocks of the village stood. The Chief Justice sat down, and wanting to feel
what the punishment was, he asked his companion to open them and put him in.
This being done, his friend took a book from his pocket, sauntered on and
completely forgot the judge. In the meantime, the Chief Justice tried in vain
to release himself. Seeing a countryman, he tried to convince him to let him
out, but the man wouldn’t help. ‘No, no,
old gentleman,’ said the man, ‘You were not set there for nothing,’ and left
him until he was released by a servant dispatched from the house.
“Later he presided at a trial in which a magistrate was charged for false
imprisonment, putting someone in the stocks. The counsel for the magistrate
made light of the whole charge and especially of sitting in the stocks, which
he said everybody knew was no real punishment.
“The Chief Justice rose and, leaning over the bench, said in a
half-whisper, ‘Brother, have you ever
been in the stocks?’
“’Really, my lord, never!’
“’Well, I have,’ said the judge, ‘and I assure you, it is no such trifle as
you represent.’”
We look at life much different after we’ve been through some tough
situations ourselves.
Sometimes we try a little too hard to live a “comfortable” life and avoid
any kind of difficulty that may come our way.
I think that this is why sometimes I don’t share Jesus with others like I
should. I know this was my main reason for being reluctant to go to Russia
when I’ve been sensing God’s tugging to go.
Yet this week I’ve been reminded that God wants me to step out of my
comfort zone, trust Him, and face my fears.
God doesn’t want us to be
“comfortable”. He wants us to be “comforted”.
I’m not sure we’re going to experience much of God’s comfort unless we find
ourselves in trials and learn to cry out to God for His help.
I’m not suggesting that we go out of our way to live dangerously or
unwisely.
But perhaps I ought to reconsider trying so hard to live a “comfortable”
life.
Trust God in your trial.
I think that one of the greatest ways we can bring comfort to others is by
learning to trust God in our own trials.
It’s as we learn to trust God that we will receive His comfort.
When we learn to receive God’s comfort, then we can turn around and share
that comfort with others.
But I wonder if the passing on of that comfort only comes as we in turn
learn to help others in trusting in God.
It’s the Holy Spirit that is the “Comforter”. When Jesus said He’d send
another comforter, He wasn’t talking about me.
Sympathy versus Comfort
I think we can run into danger when we give sympathy towards another
person.
The danger is that we would get the other person looking to us for help
rather than looking to the Lord for help.
We should have “sympathy” in that the other person knows that we have
compassion on them and perhaps we might have even gone through a similar
experience as they have.
Our “sympathy” should always point them towards finding their hope in
Jesus.
Note in verse 7 that Paul has a confident hope for the Corinthians. His
confidence is that they would receive comfort from the Lord.
Point to Jesus
Jesus has gone through way more than we will ever go through, and because
of that, He is someone who can help
us and will help us. Even when we
haven’t gone through a situation like the person we’re reaching out to, Jesus
has.
(Heb 4:15-16 KJV) For we
have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our
infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
{16} Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain
mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
I think that one of the chief ways we can do this is through prayer. Pray for the person. Pray WITH the person. Help them put their hand in Jesus’ hand.